a friend notes: “you are experiencing some pretty intense emotions right due to current circumstances as well as revisiting some pretty rough chapters of your past”. seeing as that’s about the fifth or sixth general comment on such today, i respond:

yeah, sure. but like it says on the right over there: “i may be honest, but don’t take me too seriously. no one else seems to!” and ironically, i’m serious about that. i long ago had to learn to deal with these issues. i promised myself two things:

1. that regardless of what came about from all this, i would be there for both of them whenever i was allowed to be, and

2. i would never deny any of it.

as far as number 2 was concerned, the depth i took that to was to require her mother and step-father to come up with rights-release paperwork that clearly stated i was foregoing my rights to her as her birth father. the standard of such legal documents is to literally deny parentage. i refused to sign my name to something that was a lie. as well, to me, a function of non-denial is disclosure.

so, these things are on my mind, is all (and if that smacks to you as denial, so be it, but it’s honestly not the case). i can’t get all fraught with all this. i have two children to raise and other responsibilities to clients and family alike. i am blessed with the ability to type in web-based blog entry forms while the computer churns on some automated photo processing batches. i’ve simply pulled back from some of the online forums and what-not, and we’re thankfully between betas on some of the software i help with.

of course these things concern me and weigh heavily on me, but truly friends, i’m neither in crisis nor is this even necessarily intense. this is hidden light, not spot light, after all!

thank you very much for your concern. the subject matter is inherently emotional, but my state of mind, in many ways, is fairly clinical.

(yeah, shut up about the double-entendre there! heh.)