for a reason
Sometimes, I wonder why I do the things I do. I don’t refer to myself in the third person very much at all, but I do quite often stand outside myself and become at a loss for what’s going on inside. Perhaps my communicative problems from the past really are grounded within me. I think I sometimes fail at giving myself the fuller insight as to what’s going on internally.
As a result of that, when people ask me what something I’ve published up here means, I don’t necessarily have an answer. While I’m not saying that not asking is the better course, just be advised I may not have what fits your definition of “clear answer.” I work a lot from the subconscious; it’s nothing mystical, it’s just unplanned. I feel no real need when it comes to the creative process (and my life definitely fits under that order of precedence) to direct every action, every movement, every response.
Only this, perhaps: The majority of my life is spent in waiting for things to come. And the waiting for it bleeds. I am somehow both too active to wait indefinitely, and too pensive to force my own hand.
Time is the sort of thing that can beat you coming and going. I try not to chase it too hard, but that rarely means I’m doing it right. Peace and closure are unattainables: meaningful ideals that have little true function in the world.
I’m alone right now for a reason. I only hope it’s a good one.
This entry was posted on Sunday, July 11th, 2010 at 09:53 and is filed under perpetual dawnne. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
on July 21st, 2010 at 20:37
Well hello and thank you. This is lovely, lyrical bit of musing, and I enjoyed it immensely. Your imagery around the waiting, and the bleeding this pensive pausing causes … outstanding. I will now read more.
I follow you on Twitter, and randomly tonight decided to forage. It was productive. Thanks for the post.
on July 23rd, 2010 at 22:56
Thank you, Deb. Sorry to take so long to respond. I’m slow, what can I say. A lot of things have been going on with me over the past year. In fact, about a year ago, I was in the hospital with pneumonia. That wasn’t the start of things, but that gave me enough pause to begin realizing that there were things that needed to be seen. I’m glad you find these writing to be timely and apropos. I appreciate your twitter-follow, and your interest in what I have to say. Be well.