would that i not be independent: that i couldn’t stand without your support, for a small, selfish part of me would very much like to just lay down.

would that i not be self-reliant: but as much as i like having your arms around me, i have to hold myself together in order to be yours.

would that i not be self-motivated: i could easily live my life for you and you alone, but only i can be responsible for my successes and failures, and i certainly wouldn’t pin the latter on you.

i feel incomplete without you, but i can’t feel helpless when you’re gone, for the hole you leave inside me is covered by all the things i appear to be and do.

and that vacancy is quite large, echoing with the sounds of my self-reliance, resounding then fading, as if they were searching for you, calling your name then chasing after you until they disappear over the horizon.

left alone, i return to myself somewhat, but it is, in truth, something less than what i am, when you are with me.

i might hide it well.

perhaps.

but i miss you already, and you’ve only just departed.